we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
