I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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