why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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