break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
