I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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