I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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