so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
