Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
