I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
