Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
