I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
