You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
