tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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