I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
