If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
