I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
