Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
