There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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