Someone shit on the floor
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
