I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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