remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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