i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
