Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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