Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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