I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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