There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
