So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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