Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
