Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
