Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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