i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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