I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
