I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
