Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
