Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's blow job season.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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