I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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