Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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