This is not my ceiling
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
