I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
