Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
