woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
