I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
