don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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