I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
