I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
