soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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