Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
