so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
