im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Never joke about your clitoris.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
