meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
